How understanding “bids” can revolutionize your communication

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Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the work of Dr. John Gottman, a well-known relationship psychologist, he formulated the idea of “bids.” In relationships, people make bids to their partners. A bid can sound like, “Come look at this bird outside!” or, “Guess what happened at work today?” or simply, “Come here, babe.” The point is that a bid is a request for presence or connection in some way. To respond, their partners can have one of three reactions to their bids: turning away, turning towards, or turning against.

Turning away: “Not right now, I’m busy.”

Turning towards: “Okay, coming!” or, “What happened? Tell me!” …


Leighann Amanda

Your partner in evolving humanity and relationships. Always exploring the fullest expression of the human spirit.

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