Seriously, though…

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Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but:

I don’t drink alcohol.

In 2019, I had approximately five drinks.

In 2020, I had two drinks.

In 2021, I will be having no drinks.

Why?

I am in an inquiry lately about why humans consume alcohol. While I’ve had my fair share of great memories while drinking, I find myself feeling more and more physically ill when I do. While there’s ample research to suggest that one glass of wine can be good for you, I’ve found just as much if not more research to advise against alcohol consumption. It got me to thinking.

Let’s look at the different typical reasons for drinking, and why they may not make sense. …


How understanding “bids” can revolutionize your communication

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Photo by kyle smith on Unsplash

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the work of Dr. John Gottman, a well-known relationship psychologist, he formulated the idea of “bids.” In relationships, people make bids to their partners. A bid can sound like, “Come look at this bird outside!” or, “Guess what happened at work today?” or simply, “Come here, babe.” The point is that a bid is a request for presence or connection in some way. To respond, their partners can have one of three reactions to their bids: turning away, turning towards, or turning against.

Turning away: “Not right now, I’m busy.”

Turning towards: “Okay, coming!” or, “What happened? Tell me!” …


If you’re not doing this one thing, you’re killing your relationship

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Photo by jurien huggins on Unsplash

This article is an expansion of the seven archetypes of masculinity, specifically focusing on one archetype — The Director. The idea of the seven archetypes (Artist, Poet, Director, Warrior, Sage, Dark Knight, and Lover) was originally created by the brilliant Karen Brody and is explained in her book Open Her.

This expansion of The Director is simply my own.

As you may or may not know, The Director archetype is the directional force of the masculine. It gives literal direction, whereas the feminine delights in being taken or whisked into another world, or simply another direction. Hell, the feminine loves being taken in any direction, as long as it’s being taken. It just wants the experience of being led. …


Isolation taught me how to make the most of my day

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Photo by Dillon Shook on Unsplash

So, I’ll get right down to it. There are five things I started doing (or used to do, that I brought back) that have not only changed the way my self-isolation is going, but that have changed my overall lifestyle in amazing ways. And they’re suuuuuuper simple.

Self-isolation was, at the beginning, a confusing time. I realized that a lot of my routine has been shaped around where I was going out in the world, and when there was suddenly nowhere to go, I had to find new ground.

Now, here are the crucial, simple things I do each day for emotional, mental, and physical…


We can sense this thing from a mile away

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I went for coffee with a friend of mine.

He expressed to me that he was becoming hopeless with romance. He dated lots, but no one seemed to stay. He experienced himself as a failure with women. He registered for a course — for the second time — that helps men meet women and learn how to talk to them, in attempt to finally find a girlfriend.

I asked him one thing:

“What was your dad like?”

At first, his answer was normal. “My dad was successful, he was well-known, and he did a lot for the community.”

I sat silently. “But… ?” I nudged.

“Well, okay… He was a colourful character,” he continued, illustrating his father’s problems with drugs, alcohol, and cheating on his mother, among other things. …


It may have nothing to do with passion or motivation.

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Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash

I was just on a call with a client who has been struggling with her work ethic. No matter how exciting of a project she has on the go, her motivation doesn’t catch up. As an artist of sorts, she knows what she needs to do to be a success. Practice, refine, and repeat her craft. But no matter how passionate she is, or how much dedication the project requires to do it justice, she procrastinates, half-asses, and hides out.

So if she knows what to do, why won’t she do it?

After asking her a few questions, she mentioned her previous job. She mentioned that she used to work 70+ hours a week, went unappreciated, and became completely burnt out to the point of needing to stop working for 6 months. …


Fitting in is leaving you out.

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Photo by Ante Hamersmit on Unsplash

In one conversation one man’s life was changed, forever.

It was four in the morning, and I had just leapt off of a 747 airplane in the middle of the desert. Not from the air — the plane was stationed there, amidst the dust, serving as a nightclub. It had been transformed from top to wheel with lounges, DJs, and an open top level to view the sunrise from. Yes, you guessed it — I was at Burning Man.

As I stepped off of the airstair and onto the vast, flat Playa, I noticed a smaller bar with a bigger dance floor just ahead. …


Your voice matters — but are you really using it?

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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

A few weeks ago, a client of mine came to our weekly call unsure of what she needed from our session. I ask her a few questions, and her request bubbled to the surface: “How can I fully own my power?”

“Well that depends,” I responded. “What’s in the way of you fully owning it right now?”

She immediately got nervous. “I just don’t know how to be powerful,” she said, her voice softening. This was funny to me, because knowing she was a skilled elementary teacher, I could have readily prepared a list of a hundred ways in which she was powerful. …


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Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

It’s last Wednesday, and I’m on a run.

It’s a beautiful January day in Texas — clear, blue skies, a fresh fifteen degrees Celsius, and long running trails that run over vast fields.

I’m in my element — having been a runner for 15 years — and I feel content.

And then it comes. With no warning, a vision hijacks my sight. What am I looking at?

I’m in labor. I’m giving birth to my son, whom I’ve seen in previous dreams and visions.

I know, I know — just go with the crazy for a minute.

I drop into a transcendental state, my running slows slightly, and this vision keeps playing before me of being in labour. I am in the pain. I am in the breath. I am in the sweat. And then I am holding him. …


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Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

Have you ever noticed that when someone apologizes, your typical automatic response is, “Oh, that’s okay” ?

It’s actually a bit silly, right? Language is powerful, and it reveals something crucial here about apology.

When you apologize, you inadvertently make the other person say “that’s okay.” They have to tend to you, when you’re the one who has impacted them.

Instead of apologizing, when you make a mess or break a promise, clean up the mess:

1. Acknowledge the mess or broken promise.

ex: “We agreed to meet at 5pm, and I’m 30 minutes late.”

2. Feel the impact — ask what it’s like for the other person, and acknowledge the impact on yourself as well.

About

Leighann Amanda

Your partner in evolving humanity and relationships. Always exploring the fullest expression of the human spirit.

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