My Dad Got This Crucial Thing Right
A piece of parenting that’s hard to navigate
My parents did a lot of things right.
One of my favourite ways that my parents guided me was in how they talked to me about substances like alcohol and pot.
In high school, I wasn’t popular. I was an athlete and a nerd. I did lots of sports, and I was on the honour roll every year — but my favourite activity was running. I ran for about two hours every day. It was my meditation, my freedom, and my way to experience my own strength and power.
I did track and field, but my favourite running happened off of the track, anywhere that my feet could take me — varying terrain preferred. Trails, beaches, boardwalks, quiet neighbourhoods… Everywhere.
And I continue to run. Even — and especially in — the rain. There’s nothing like a cleansing bolt steeped in petrichor. To me, the perfect conditions for a run are in place if I have no make-up on, my hair is undone, and it’s raining. My senses are overloaded with the smell of freshly dampened soil, the softness of a breeze carrying my hair, and the wetness of rainwater washing away doubts and fears from the day. Now that’s a religious experience. Hallelujah!
I remember when the topic of alcohol and pot came up at home as more and more friends started to indulge, and it was being discussed in classes by teachers aiming to keep us safe. “Do you ever worry that I’m going to start doing that stuff? I asked my parents. “What would you do if I drank or smoked?” I asked bluntly. I was about fifteen.
The Most Impactful Moment
Then my dad said something that stuck with me for the rest of my life.
“Leighann, we trust that you know that stuff isn’t good for you. And we know you make healthy choices. We aren’t worried,” he said nonchalantly.
My dad did a few things in that moment:
One, he reminded me of my authentic self that prioritizes health above fitting in.
Two, he trusted me, which was a powerful honour that I wanted to uphold and deserve.
And three, he presented a calm response that didn’t create a lot of friction or fuel to rebel against.
My dad had acknowledged me, reminded me of my true nature, and remained calm all while discussing one of the most difficult topics for parents to discuss.
My mom, generally and unconditionally believing in my greatness, lovingly nodded along with my dad.
A Solid Foundation
This moment was crucial because I still had a couple years left of high school, and those years would solidify my relationship to substances as my adolescent mind became more adult.
I was already hanging on the side of avoid all things that make you feel shitty and take you away from running. But as I got older, it remained more meaningful to avoid substances and feel more salient and awake. Close friends of mine, and even romantic partners, had alcoholic parents who left a wake of heartbreak. Friends had drunken nights that ended up in severe injuries, broken teeth, and nasty conflicts. I stayed alert and aware of the hurt that alcohol was all too often associated with.
I Had My Moments
In total, I had one night of drinking before I was old enough to legally imbibe, and it was such a terrible experience that I didn’t drink again until it was legal for me to do so. After that, university held some interesting moments for me — but drinking didn’t stick. I went back to being sober before graduating university, and now it’s a common joke among my friends that it’s a rare sight to see me drink. If I do order a drink, the whole table’s response is, “oh shit!”
And now, after a summer of indulging in the occasional sangria, I’ve again chosen to not consume alcohol. Not in the hopes of taming a bad habit or righting a wrong; but because I know it’s just not good for my health. And I like to make healthy decisions.
At The End of the Day…
…I have my dad to thank for reminding me of that, in a way that would stay with me forever, when I was so young.
If you’re wondering how to discuss substances with your offspring, instil in them the belief that they truly want the best for themselves. Deep down, I believe that we all want the best for ourselves, especially when we’re young, when the world hasn’t yet given us many messages to believe the opposite.
