What is self-love?
I don’t know about you, but for the longest time I thought self-love was taking baths with candles everywhere or getting the odd massage here and there, and having a warm ‘generally loving’ feeling about myself. That’s awesome, and probably also true, but I’ve come to find that self-love has a more courageous side to it.
Self-love is looking at where your life doesn’t work, where you resist, and settling no more. Self-love is instigating change where there is suffering, and where perhaps you’re already resigned and cynical about change. It means leaving the victim mentality behind and embracing the gift of responsibility and power. Self-love is owning your drama and creating peace.
Today, I’m especially proud of one of my clients — let’s call her Julie. Julie is an exceptional woman. But up until this year, she most certainly did not feel like she was an exceptional woman. When we started our work together, she was carrying a lot of pain from the past. She was terrified of dating, had an unhealthy spending pattern that kept creating more debt, and had a sugar addiction. She worked for a company she had grown to resent and felt wronged by, and was about to quit. She had no idea what her life purpose was. She was constantly tired and had trouble getting, or staying, out of bed. To top it off, she had a rocky relationship with everyone in her family, and especially her mom.
The craziest part? You wouldn’t be able to tell from the outside. To everybody else, she was a beloved part of the community, leading and mentoring many others daily with a smile on her face.
But in our work together, through complete willingness and bad-assery, Julie has completely transformed her life in less than half a year. She has quit dating men that mistreat her and is finally dating an amazing partner — and falling in love without anxiety of him hurting her. She transformed her relationship to spending, and has paid off more of her debt than she even thought possible. She went from constantly adding to it to paying off thousands. She has received three raises, transformed the communication culture of her company, and became a writer for the company, in line with her now-known life purpose. She’s magnetic. She’s had to decline massive career offers that came her way, because they weren’t exactly what she wanted — because now she knows what it is that she wants. She became sugar-free and now has completely lost count of how many days or months it’s been since she had sugar — and it feels effortless to her. Sugar went from being her biggest counsel to something that makes her feel ill. She has a resilience to life that anything terrible can happen — and oh, things have happened — and she is grounded and rooted. She has more energy than ever. And her relationship with her mom and family is filled with more love than she can remember having… Ever.
This woman has literally transformed herself from the inside out.
The one distinction that made it all possible? Having integrity with her self-love. Having integrity with self-love meant getting whatever coaching she needed, being coachable to it, taking the work out into her life and applying it, and therefore ultimately prioritizing herself first. The takeaway: life gets awesome (rather quickly) when you prioritize yourself first; when you get that you are the source of your entire life, you fuel that source, and you fuel your life as a result. Life gets awesome when you have self-love.
Hats off to you, babe.